


Welcome to Zombieland, Kids.

by wentzways



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombieland (2009) Fusion, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, Zombies, it's REALLLLL slowburn like jason isn't here until chapter 5 oops, it's zombieland lmao, there's not a lot of violence it's just a warning bc ya know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:40:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22384231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wentzways/pseuds/wentzways
Summary: Welcome to Zombieland; Formerly the United States of America.Zombieland has a ring to it, no? Zoom in on our third person narrator, Percy Jackson. 19, and a shitty sophomore attending the local university who just so happened to be the one person alive. Besides being a fun way to start your new tinder dating profile, it’s a bit of a conversation starter. How, you may ask?His list of rules.OR the slowburn zombieland fic that no one asked for.
Relationships: Jason Grace/Percy Jackson, Luke Castellan/Percy Jackson, Past Luke Castellan/Percy Jackson
Comments: 10
Kudos: 77





	1. hot to the touch cold on the inside but they’re not taking us alive.

**Author's Note:**

> HI i started this for nano and it's not done but fuck it i wanna post it because i NEED to get this out to have the muse to want to write the rest of this. the first 4 chapters are already pre-written and i'm working my way through 5 so pls expect like. bi-weekly updates for the first few chapters but after that ,,, dark chuckle. also i made a joke about being asthmatic and it's mean but im asthmatic so just pretend im making fun of me and not u if u too have asthma ok bye.

_ ‘There is no America here, anymore.’ _ It’s stupid, really, Percy thinks, standing by a gas pump at a station. “Everyone’s dead”, He starts to grumble, “And here I am, the last fucking  _ person _ on Earth!” 

Now, he’s being dramatic. Of course he is, because he’s not the last person on Earth, but it damn well feels like it. It’s been six months since this shit-storm has started, and he can’t help but laugh cynically when he thinks about how bad it  _ did _ get so quickly. 

Welcome to Zombieland; Formerly the United States of America. 

Zombieland has a ring to it, no? ...Yeah, no. Zoom in on our third person narrator, Percy Jackson. 19, fit and a shitty sophomore attending the local university who just so happened to be the  _ one  _ person alive in the area.

Besides being a fun way to start your new tinder dating profile, it’s a bit of a conversation starter. How, you may ask? 

His list of rules. 

Rule number one: Cardio. See, when the virus hit, the first to go were those who weren’t fit, or hadn’t hit the gym for a while. Percy wasn’t one to exercise often, but he lucked out with the swim team he had participated in while in both high school and college. He’d seen too many folks get ... well, get _fucked_ up by some hardcore zombies. 

Rest in peace, you unhealthy fuckers. 

As the virus grew, it wasn’t enough to not be an asthmatic piece of shit, but you had to get a gun. And then learn how to use it. Stat. Percy was… less than adapt with that obviously before the end of the goddamn world, because honestly, who knows how to use a gun in this day and age? Unless you're a killer, a cop, or both, Percy didn't know. Turns out he was a pretty quick learner. That, and with a trident (from a Halloween costume he had around two years prior. Thanks, Aqua-man.)? He could handle his own against a few herds or two. 

This lead to rule number two: The double Tap. Sounds simple, yeah? It’s not. Some people forget the double tap, and unfortunately end up a zombie’s midday snack. Always make sure they’re dead; fuck being stingy on bullets. The world’s dead and gone, you fucking clown, there’s a ton of spare bullets to go around for the limited amount of people left. There's no reason to shoot once and wish you had done it twice later, when that zombies snatched at your husband's leg and he's dead and gone just like your favorite episode of _Project Runway._

Woulda, shoulda, coulda? That doesn’t work here. Not anymore, at least, according to Percy. 

With everything he had seen, he would pet his life on that.The damned zombies had gotten smart in such a short amount of time. Viruses evolve, no matter what kind, and the zombie's were no exception … And with the evolution, they unlocked fun new character features. For some nifty examples, they could unlock doors, grab at things (and people), etcetera. You name it, they can do it. Except sex, maybe. He doesn’t know, and doesn’t want to find out. 

Speaking of sex... Don’t let them catch you at your most vulnerable. 

... Rule number three: Beware of bathrooms. 

They can open doors, now. Percy doesn’t ever want to go into detail about how he found out. Just know that they can, and he’s had one too many close calls. Turns out burritos, even in the afterlife, aren’t the best food choice. Oh, what he’d give to taste his mother’s blue cookies, again. 

What he doesn’t miss, however, is looking over his shoulder while he’s pumping this gas. He’s currently not sure of what time it is— he hasn’t known for a couple of days. But the sun is down, and the creepy sense of distortion in the air makes him think it’s pretty late, and zombies don’t need sleep like he does, so he wants to get that gas and get the fuck  _ out  _ of there before any zombie  _ or _ human finds him vulnerable and bare-assed for the killing. 

He includes humans, because Percy figured that as the zombies grew, he had to cut ties with the idea of trying to help what little humans were left. He's seen _The Walking Dead,_ he knows the world has it's Negan's who are just _waiting_ to go fucking batshit crazy. See, he argues, if the little kids down the street were once cute, but now bloodthirsty freaks, he was better off killing them than trying to let their little zombie heads rip his arms off. Running them over was your one way ticket out of your final destination death trip, pain all inclusive with your purchase. Excuse the morbidity. 

While you’re busy contemplating life, death, and how many bad points killing that zombie-girl gave you, consider the next rule: Seatbelts. Because while you’re busy thinking your brains off, you won’t notice the semi coming your way, and suddenly, you’ll find yourself as caller number seven for that trip you thought you out-smarted. Sucks to be you. 

At this moment, dear readers, Percy needs to point out that he’s yet to even  _ meet _ other humans. Just call him a bit paranoid. 

As he’s going through this internal monologue ( _ Hey, Brain. How’s it hanging? Am I going crazy?  _ Are all thought he considers, yes. No, he doesn't want an answer.), he’s finishing up pumping his gas, and almost misses the sounds of brain-dead creatures running at him at the speed of a lion.  _ Almost.  _ Quickly, he whips around, and there’s a male zombie in his face. Percy grunts, shoving the gun he had in his hand between the two of them. The zombie pushes back, just as strong, but Percy ducks, and the gun follows as the zombie slips in surprise, and he sprints away, turning, and firing two lazy shots behind him. 

Miss. 

Miss. 

“Fuuuck,” He whines, glancing at the corner of his eye where his first zombie friend, now has made another! Great! 

More shots are fired, and this time, he at least hits one of the zombies in the arm, but that’s all he’s got, because he’s made it back to his car, fumbling with his keys. They’re gaining on him, as he’s stagnant, fingers shaking as he. 

Drops. The. FUCKING. KEYS. 

Even all the rules in the world couldn’t stop him from feeling like an absolute idiot. At least rule number one seemed to be giving a helping hand here as he sprinted across the empty gas parking lot. Legs grew tiresome as he played this game of cat and mouse with the zombies, but he couldn’t stop, because he wasn’t about to become cat food. Sprinting back to his car, he dives for the keys; Snatched into his hands, Percy feels a hint of hope as he scrambles to the passenger side of the car, the angry snarls of zombies on his trails. In his panic, he grabs at the door handle, and-. 

It’s open. Huh. 

Scrambling inside, he groans, the door slamming behind him, and he locks them, for good measure. He only gets a second of relief before the zombies have arrived, pulling at the handles. Percy sighs, heart still beating faster than a ten second marathon before he jumps over the console, into the front seat, turning the car on and into drive. Before he pulls away, however, he uses rule number four. Seat Belts keep everyone safe. 

That is, they should. Until he glances into the back and is eye to eye with a zombie who must’ve gotten in through the unlocked doors. “Have a good nap?” Percy asks, exhausted.

In reply, the zombie lurches at him. Frantically, to throw the zombie back, he pulls the car into reverse and floors it across the lot. The zombie, who does  _ not _ have a seat belt on, is thrown back, and suddenly, flung out of the car as they crash into the window of the nearby shop. 

“Motherfucker!” Percy pants, shaking in his seat. Scrambling, he pulls the seat belt off of himself, grabs his gun, and runs to the window, only to see the zombie scrambling to get up. 

Rule number two, anyone? 

Boom; The sound of the gun echoes throughout the air, as Percy stumbles to the car, weight pressing against it as he slides down to the floor, eyelids shutting as he lets out a breath that he felt he had been holding in for hours. 

Looks like he wouldn't need to find a place to go number one anytime soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me @wentzways on twitter and @nervousdad (-:


	2. our common goal was waiting for the world to end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we, and percy, meet annabeth, and learn some more fun stuff from our main character.

The thing about traveling during the end of the world is- everyone wants to travel light. Trouble is, nobody really seems to know _how_ to. Percy knows this,knows how, and he's traveled light in about every sense of the word. He’d always been a type of loner. Trouble in school and a bad home life led him to avoid people like they were zombies  _ before  _ they really were. Now that they are, though… He kinda thinks he misses people. Currently, he is without a car, carrying a shotgun in one hand, and a suitcase in the other. His mom, Sally, lived in New York, before the mess. That’s where he was headed. She was his life; a Goddess amongst men, especially his stepdad. Gabe was a shitty man, and it took years for Sally to finally find her worth and leave him; Then it was just Percy and Sally. Now, even after the end of the world, Percy wanted it to be just them. And maybe a boyfriend to top it all off.

As he considered this, he steps onto an abandoned highway. More than likely, all of these cars have been abandoned, or have the dead inside of them, or are out of gas. It’s not worth the risk to even do much more than give them quick once overs, so he makes quick movement.

That is, until he hears a car engine quickly moving behind him. 

Whipping his head around, he sees a rather large black Escalade moving _very_ _quickly_ towards him. 

Anxiety spikes in him. Obviously, this has to be another human. Zombies can do a lot, but only so much, and he’s not quite sure their brains work enough to let them drive a car right into their next meal. 

As the car pulls up, he grabs the nearest object big enough to shield himself with. A car door. 

The person who steps out isn’t who he expects at all, but he’s somehow thankful it isn’t. Though, she is _ much _ scarier. She’s tall, tan, and has, of all things a person could manage to have with the end of the world going on, perfect princess curls. 

And a gun, that she has pointed straight at him. 

They stare at each other, guns pointed, no words spoken for what feels like minutes but is seconds, before the stranger motions with her head to her car, and Percy is filled with relief. “Oh thank Gods,” He mumbles, dropping the door. Her lips turn up in amusement as she goes to her own door, opening it and leaning against it as she watches him struggle to put the door down with as little sound as possible, and grabbed his belongings to put in the trunk. 

As they settle into the car, Percy dares to speak again to the stranger.

“Thank you.” He says, and after a moment, a quiet, soft, “You’re welcome” leaves the strangers lips. 

As he sits quietly in the car, he pauses, and glances in the back seat, unsure if this stranger had someone else with her ready to choke him out. “What on Earth are you doing?” She asks, glancing at him. 

“Nothing, I uh...I just have this… list.”

“Well, stop. Nothing is back there besides my duffel bag.”

Well. Okay, then, He shrugs, settling into the seat, watching as Stranger, (his new nickname for her) starts up her car, driving off and carelessly through the grass separating the two highways together. It’s silent, for a long while, as they drive off to nowhere when Percy realizes that he doesn’t know Stranger’s name, or where she’s going. 

“What’s your name? I’m-” Percy starts.

“Stop. No names. Keeps us from getting too familiar.” Stranger cuts him off, narrowing her eyes at him. 

“Wh- Okay? So what am I supposed to call you?” He asks, annoyance slipping into his voice. He could tell this wasn’t going well, and that if he pushed his luck, Stranger was going to drop his ass on the side of the road again. 

“Whatever. Where are you headed?”

“New York.”

“Ironic. Me too.”

“So… what part?”

“Brooklyn.”

“The Bronx.”

There’s another long pause before Percy speaks, and she can see how almost  _ painstaking  _ it is for him to get the words out. 

“Wanna tag along? We’re both going to the city; There could be safety in numbers, since we don’t know what it’s like up there right now. Or… at least for a while.” 

Brooklyn sighs, turning to look at Percy with a look that felt like pity, “Look, Bronx. I’m not easy to get along with.-”  _ You can say that again,  _ He thinks, “And I’m sensing that you’re a bit of a sea-weed brain,”  _ What?  _ “So, I give this relationship to about… Boston.”

And holy shit, he didn’t even think he’d get  _ this _ far with her. Boston?! That was a four hour drive to New York. If she gave up on him there, he could easily find a car to at least get him to the borders of the city. 

“Really? You’ll take me to as far as Boston?! Holy shit,” He’s unable to contain his grin, and even she has to laugh, giving him a soft “Yeah”. 

“Sweet.” He mumbles. A part of him is clinging onto the hope of finding his mother, because he’s not quite sure what he’d do if he doesn’t have hope, but with a ride, and a new companion, that hope is festering inside of him, turning into more of a reality. Call him a dreamer, whatever. He’s pulled from thoughts of reuniting with his mom when Brooklyn turns to look at him, chuckling again.

“You’re a little spitfire, aren’t you, Seaweed-Brain?”

“Yeah, Wise-Girl,” (She rolls her eyes at this.  _ Terrible nickname, really, _ she thinks, idly.) He shoots back.

“I can already tell you’re gonna get on my nerves.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo i'm just around starting up chapter six of this fic. this one is super short, so i might update sooner rather than later since this chapter is just an introduction one. chapters two and four are kinda short compared to the other ones because they exist solely to move along plot and as introductions to character's or their backstories aaaa ok im uploading this at work so i'm gonna shut the fuck up and go bye mwah


	3. and get your finger on the trigger, tap the barrel of a gun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we learn more about annabeth and percy's first experience with zombies (and boys!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dark chuckle sorry this is a day later than i said i'd update but a ha ha. this is actually one of my favorite chapters i've ever written for this fic so far!!!! cool anyway find me on twitter @wentzways or on tumblr @nervousdad ok peace.

Even though teaming up wasn’t ideally how Annabeth Chase pictured herself spending the end of the world, it was better than being alone. When the world first showed signs of ending, she had someone with her. And it worked out for them, at first. But things went south soon, and After three weeks of hiding away in her dorm, she felt cramped and like she would lose it if she stayed there any longer than she had to. She didn't have many places to go. Her dad lived in California, and she would’ve rather had been sent to Tartaurus itself than go see him. Her mom lived in New York as a wealthy and  _ very _ successful lawyer, but had no time for Annabeth. At least, she thought, she could probably crash at her place while this blew over. 

It’s been over four months, and it never blew over. It was hard to travel from Washington State all the way to New York, and without a map or internet, she was kind of a lost cause on travel. That’s how she found herself in her current state. She had gotten turned around at some point, and picked up a strange kid around her age who ironically was also headed to New York. 

At least it meant she wasn’t alone, and didn’t have to think about… before. 

She figured it would be easier and safer to stay with Seaweed Brain than to bargain entering some cult territory where they would try to get her to worship the Roman Gods. 

Yuck. Not again.

Bits of information about the two of them was slowly revealed as they drove (sans her name, and hsi, of course), and Percy found himself liking her more and more as they drove. See, Wise Girl was in a certain type of business. The ass-kicking type. Now, as far as he knew, she was a regular college student before Zombieland, but with skills like hers, he could figure that she had a few secrets hidden under that Yankees cap of hers. Despite this, it was clear that besides all of her bad-assery, she had two weaknesses. 

Architecture. 

And Twinkies. 

It didn't take very long for him to find her kryptonite.

The first one, he found out the day after they first met. He woke up bleary-eyed and confused, noting that the car off and the blonde girl was storming down the side of the highway. Quickly grabbing his own trident and gun, he followed suit. 

“What are we doing here?” 

“Take a look,” She motioned in front of them, eyes as sharp as razor-blades, “It’s a Gods-damn Hostess truck.” 

“Yeah. I see that.”

“Seaweed Brain, I could  _ really _ use a twinkie right about now.” 

He scoffed at that, because out of all of the things she could _ possibly _ want, she wanted a  _ Twinkie _ . Go figure. 

He watched as she began to head down closer to the truck, and, before he started to move with her, he began to stretch. 

“Are you … fucking with me right now?”

“No. You should actually limber up as well.”

“You know, you make it harder and harder to like you everyday.” 

“Yeah, my step-dad thought so, too.” 

By the time they made it to the truck, she had prepared herself to open the door, with Percy aiming to shoot at whatever potentially came out after them. The door opened, and nothing but … a million boxes of Hostess Snowballs fell out. 

“Are you  _ kidding me?!  _ It’s the end of the fucking world, and all I get are  _ Snowballs?! _ ”

“I like Snowballs,” Percy interjects, rather unhelpfully.

“Of course you do!” Her arms flew up, and Percy flinched at the risk of her shooting her gun wildly, “I hate coconut. Not the taste, but the consistency. It’s chewy, and has no structure.” Wise Girl sighed, slinging her gun back over her shoulder, walking back up the hill while grumbling obscenities to whatever higher power there was who planned this cruel trick just for her. 

As for the architecture— he found out two days after their first incident. 

They were in what they assumed to be West Virginia. When they passed the welcome sign, she gasped loudly, and sped up the car with no explanation. No questioning would get an answer until they pulled up to a shoddy looking white building, where she shut the engine off and rushed inside with a gun in one hand and an axe in her belt. 

Begrudgingly, Percy followed. If he was going to die, he wanted her to know it was her fault. 

“Wanna tell me what the hell is going on, Wise Girl?” He asks. From just the few days he’s spent with her, he’s getting less and less anxious, and more…  _ ready _ to take whatever he had to head on. But he got no response, as she was already rushing in with a smile that resembled a shark ready to attack. In this moment, he took the time to reflect on her. 

She was cute, in a weird way. Her eyes were wide, and spaced apart, and her gaze reminded you of an owl that seemed to know more than you. Her skin was tan, like his, but a bit lighter, and her hair.  _ Her HAIR.  _ Those princess curls were always perfect, and he had never seen her even pick up a hairbrush. He was… kind of jealous. His own hair was unruly and half curly, half straight, and had gotten so long recently that he left it tied up in a messy bun on the top of his head. But sadly, for both of them, Percy was pretty sure she wasn’t his type. 

Not that he had enough experience to even have a type. 

Yeah, he was cute— hot, even, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk to girls  _ or _ boys before Zombieland. He seemed to stumble across his words or do something stupid, like spit gum in their hair, which swiftly led to him being suspended and any chance of romantic relations going down the drain. 

He always got himself in trouble, but he never really asked for it. It just seemed to find him. So he… stopped going out. It was easier to stay out of trouble if it couldn’t find you. 

He spent most of his days headed to class and rushing back to his dorm, before Zombieland. Countless hours of video games helped him at least understand the basics of a gun, though. 

His pride? Nowhere.

Dignity? Long gone.

Virginity? Totally justifiable to speculate on. 

He had always wanted a person— someone to spend the rest of his life with. Or, at least, to touch dicks with, but that even seemed to be too much to ask. 

WHAM. 

Cut from his daydreams, Percy jumps, running towards the sound, rather than away from it, just to find out that it was Annabeth herself. She slammed her hand down on the counter in what seemed to be a cafe in anger, her lips upturned into a look he couldn’t quite place. “You know,” Percy pants, eyes closing as he tries to calm himself, “Slamming something down during the fucking  _ apocalypse _ isn’t exactly the greatest way to make me not come in here shooting.”

“Oh shut up,” Annabeth grumbled back, her aforementioned hand lifting to press on the counter, then shifting to touch the wall, seemingly studying what material it was made of, then swiftly moving on to anything she could get her hands on, honestly. 

Finding what she wanted, she shrugged, seemingly pleased and continued on through the building, staring at every inch she could, and even jotting down notes in this ragged little notebook she kept on her at all times. The girl could drop weapons for days but that notebook? She always had it with her, no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. Percy learned to stop questioning it a long time ago (and by a long time, he means around 3 days into their drive). 

Percy sighed, turning from her to glance back out down the halls, wandering off with the intent of looking for useful things, rather than pretty buildings and twinkies. 

He also idly notes that she’s weird. 

Soon, however, his mind drifted back to his first taste of the zombies that now consumed his life.  _ Dear sweet Hot Neighbor, you deserved better.  _ He thought. 

Immersion time!

It was late, and again, Percy was coked up on mountain dew in his dorm, entirely focused on his World of Warcraft video game until he heard screams and banging at his front door. Immediately from the voice, he could tell that it was his neighbor begging for help. 

Now, as we’ve learned a great deal about our lovely Percy, dear reader, you can tell that he doesn’t often open his front door. 

But. His neighbor was hot.

Could you really blame him? 

“Please, is anyone home?! Please, someone! It’s an emergency!” The male, tall, blond, and anxious screamed. 

Quickly, he jumped up from his desk and made a dash for the front door, unlocking it with record time and coming face to face with his neighbor, Luke. Luke’s face filled with relief, pushing past Percy with rushed energy, his body shaking and his face fresh with wet tears. He never usually looked like this, and Percy was more confused than ready to jump up and thank any God that brought Luke to his door. 

Mostly, he just wanted to know what had happened to make him seem this  _ frantic. _

Percy pointed to the couch, and hopped off to his kitchen, grabbing a can of Mountain Dew: Code Red and gold fish, because fuck golden grams. 

“Um, here,” He offered, settling down next to Luke moments later. 

“Thanks,” Luke replied, giving him a weak smile as he took a few sips from the can before he began to explain why he was showing up at his neighbor’s door when they’ve barely spoken more than mere ‘Hellos’ and ‘Goodbyes’. “So, um…” Luke starts, “He was homeless and sick... And I was walking home from the bar talking on the phone. And then, he just came, sprinting towards me. I mean, not, not running, 'sprinting'. I thought you know he was, like maybe he was running from someone or after them...the last time I saw he was out there going crazy.” 

“Maybe he was drunk?”

“No, no. I didn’t even tell you the worst part. He tried to  _ bite _ me.”

Hold on. Bite? Yeah, Luke was hot, Percy thought, but why would anyone just try to bite him?! Maybe the homeless guy was on crack? Percy tried to rationalize all of this, staring at Luke who was staring back. “Um, yeah. You really  _ didn’t _ tell me the worst part.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’m just… so scared.”

“No, no, no. You should be scared. Some homeless dude just tried to eat you on the street. That’s like… the right kind of scared. Like, the good, normal kind of scared, you know? You know, I get scared for things that don't make sense at all, like... Clowns, with red noses, or like the rag that waiters use to wipe on our table. Like, when you finished eating, like at a.. .chain restaurant.”

Luke looked at him, eyebrows raised, and Percy could feel the judgement oozing off of his pretty-boy face. “Really?”

“ _ Look, _ the point is, I’m here for you, okay? And as long as you’re by my side, I’m not leaving my apartment.”

Luke smiled, and Percy could feel his heart flutter at the attention being given from his crush. But when Luke inched closer to him and cuddled into him, he practically felt like he ascended into the highest level of Heaven. “Do you mind,” Luke started, but cut himself off with a yawn, “If I stay the night? I just don’t,” His eyes flutter shut, and it seems he’s made the decision for Percy himself, “Think I could be alone right now…” 

“Yeah no, of course.”

Safe to say, ignoring the whole homeless cannibal bit, he was living the dream. Cute boy cuddled up on his lap, having come to him for help when he most needed it? Just call Percy a Knight in Shining Armor because that’s how he felt in that moment. His own arm came and wrapped around Luke slowly, shifting the two of them to a more comfortable position as he smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of the other’s head, and then closed his own eyes so he could drift off into an easy sleep. 

Waking up, however, felt incredibly disorienting. 

No hot boy in his arms, or even in his line of sight, which made it feel even weirder, because he was  _ pretty _ sure Luke was too spooked to even go use the bathroom without Percy standing guard outside of the door. Standing up, he turned around and began to take a step before there Luke was, in his face. 

But the thing about Luke? Is that he looked like he was losing his fucking mind. Eyes bloodshot, hair splayed out in crazy tufts, and his … skin. It looked like it had greyed out, like all of the blood underneath that should have been flowing had stopped entirely and didn’t have anywhere else to go. It freaked him out, and he took a step back, only to have the back of his knees come in contact with his coffee table, eyes widening, but never taking their sights off of this Not Luke standing there, sizing him up. 

“Luke?” Percy called quietly, “Oh my God.” Luke stepped closer, and Percy scrambled to try to move around the table. The quicker Percy moved, the quicker Luke did, and Percy took the first moment he saw and booked it to his kitchen, where Luke yelled and followed. “Luke..” He gave a warning call. It didn’t deter the other from getting as close as he could in mere  _ seconds _ . 

Not good. Not good at all. 

Percy tried to push him down, but Luke was bigger, stronger.

“Stop stop stop, okay ohmyGOD are you OKAY?!” 

His answer was a loud yell, and well. Percy took that for being not okay. Snatching at a kitchen knife, he held it out in front of him, assuming it would stop Luke from brutally trying to murder him in his own house. Briefly, Percy wondered who would come to his funeral. And if they’d even find his body, because from the looks of it, Luke  _ was _ the crazy cannibal he was talking about earlier. Nice cover-up to kill and eat someone, though. He idly thinks that even Dexter himself would approve. 

“Look, Luke, I don’t wanna hurt you! Stay away, please!” 

That knife did nothing to stop the other from lunging at him. Oops. 

Percy screamed, stabbing at Luke’s stomach, where…  _ black blood came out?! _

Okay, yeah, no. Fuck this.

Percy pushed as hard as he could, leaving Luke screaming over the knife and ran into his bathroom, shutting the door and locking it as fast as he possibly could. For those few seconds of relief, he looked around, wondering what he could do to stop himself from getting absolutely fucked up in that moment, but before his brain could even try to rationalize a normal thought-

The door was busted in half by Not Luke.

Okay, great. 

The sight of him coming in, guts pouring out onto the ground was one to behold, but one Percy did not have the time for, except to briefly note that his fucking  _ stomach _ was hanging out (and yes, he has nightmares about this later, thanks.).

Percy grabs the shower curtain to try to throw it over Luke’s head, but he misses the first time, and falls flat on his ass. 

“Listen, Luke, if you’re in there, I know this isn’t you! Please just stop, so we can talk about this!” 

Nice try. Not Luke drops to his knees and crawls towards him slowly, like a lion stalking its prey, and just before he can lunge to take a nice big chunk of Percy a la mode, Percy throws the curtain over him with the goal of choking him out until he passes out. 

It seems to work at first, and Percy peels back quickly, and after a quick thought, grabs the top of his toilet to use in case he needs it. 

That seemed to be a smart plan, because immediately Luke is up and on him, jumping up and  _ right _ into the lid as Percy hits a home-run into his face. Fuck yeah, middle school gym class. 

Percy stumbles back, panicking, and when he sees Luke twitch once more, he takes two more good slams into the male’s brains. 

“Shit, I am  _ so _ sorry,” Percy cried out, heart pounding.

Yeah, if you’re wondering, that  _ is _ where Rule Numero Dos comes from. Double taps made it onto his list pretty quickly, if it wasn’t apparent.

That was his first brush with the plague of the 21st century. Remember mad cow disease? Well 'Mad cow' became 'mad person' became 'mad zombie'. It's a fast acting virus that left you with a swollen brain, raging fever and make you hateful, violent. 

And give you really really bad case of the munchies.

While reminiscing on his first ever kill, and horrific zombie experience, he barely hears Annabeth sneak up behind him and shove him. He panics, lets out a girlish scream, and whips around with his gun cocked right at her, and before he can shoot, she’s disarming him with ease and cackling at his scream. “Coward,” She teases, and well. 

So much for their friendship he  _ so _ thought they were building up.


	4. yeah, i'd be better off dead- i don't give a shit, i just don't wanna die and i don't want to live.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which this is a filler chapter for development between not-friends and percy Yearns for a regular friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm gonna update real quick bc this chapter is super short but i had problems with my internet so i wasn't able to do anything so there will be two chapters posted within the next few days as compensation

Being on the road had its ups and downs. Currently, Wise-Girl and Seaweed Brain were going through an extreme downer. The road ahead of them was blocked.

Literally. 

Cars that had been abandoned blocked the highway and littered all the way down, and one of them was forced to push them out of the way while the other go to sit their cushy asses in and steer the car out of the way. 

While this was happening, Percy figured it would be nice if he made some conversation. “I've heard there's a place untouched by all this crap.”

“Back West, yeah.”

“Yeah, you heard the same thing?”

“ Well,  _ we _ hear back west. Out west they hear back east. And it's all just nonsense. You know, like a penguin in the north pole hearing the south pole is really nice this time of year.”

“There are no penguins in the North pole.”

“You wanna feel how hard I can punch?”

Percy put his hands up as if to say, ‘I surrender’, and Annabeth rolled her eyes, focusing back on the road and not on the idiot she picked up on the side of it. 

And well, that was the end of that. 

The two drove on for a couple hours before Annabeth seemed to have spoken to him. Seconds go by before she repeats herself, leaning over to lightly shove at Percy, “So, what do you think?”

“Wha..?” He asks, blinking in confusion as he looks over at her, rubbing where she shoved.

“The last time you laid some pipe,” She smirked, eyes drifting back to the road, “Y’know… the last time you went twenty toes. Wallpapered the closet, passed the gravy. Went heels to Jesus.”

Percy blinked, letting her spew on for a few more seconds before he finally seemed to get his brain in working order to respond. “Oh. Made love.”

“Well, it's just, sex. I find it hard to believe that anyone could fall in love with you, pal.” 

“ Uhm.. Three weeks ago. Yeah. In the back of an abandoned FedEx truck.”

“Shut up. You did not!” She cried, laughing, looking back at him in disbelief. 

“No, no, I was headed east.. He was uh, going West. And we took shelter in the back of the truck. It was full of undelivered packages.”

“What was his name?”

“Beverly. Beverly Hills. You know…we didn’t exchange names. Just locations. It was very passionate.”

“You dog.” Annabeth smirked, shaking her head. Percy internally was grateful that she was believing his lie. Did he even look like the type of guy who could lay pipe in public? 

“So uh, what about you?” 

“Me? I... I... Ai yai yai.” She cut herself off, looking on with downright evil glee as the car came to a slow halt, where the two came across a zombified woman, who had clearly been decayed for days feasting on a man who must’ve just died nearly seconds or minutes before they had arrived. Percy felt immediate guilt; If they had gotten there sooner, they could have saved him. Maybe even made a new ally. The zombie was busy chewing away at his leg bone, gnawing away at the thigh as if there was any meat left on it. It barely noticed them as Annabeth had the car come to a complete stop. 

“Oh my god. That's extra sick. It makes you sad. It makes you.. makes you think that if you could go back to the way things were right now, you know, you'd be... 

The zombie ripped the bone in half, reaching down to grab at the other leg, easily pulling it from the body, making Percy gasp, then wince before he could finish his rant about ‘before’,“You'd be out in the backyard, you know, trying to catch fireflies, instead of this. I mean it makes you…”

Immediately, Annabeth cut him off, eyes zoned out as she stared, ready to kill. “Hungry.”

“Sometimes I worry about you.” Percy blurted out, face contorted into disgust as he looked at the downright disturbing human being sitting next to him. 

Rolling her eyes, she glanced back over to him, smiling a bit, “Look, whatever you have waitin' for you in New York, I'll promise you, it’s not going to be any prettier than our friend here enjoying her man-which.”

And then, before Percy could reply, she picked up speed, and when they made their way over to the zombie-lady, she slammed her door open so fast, and with so much force that she  _ took _ the zombie’s head off entirely. 

“Jesus Christ. You're a dangerous woman.”

Wise-Girl had a sixth sense of humor when it came to zombies. Zombies aren't the most lovable creatures but she  _ really _ hated them. In fact the only thing she was more obsessed with than killing a zombie was finding those aforementioned Twinkies. Something about the Twinkie reminded her about a time not so long ago. When things were simple and not so fucking psychotic. It was like if she got a taste of that comforting childhood treat, the world would become innocent again and everything would return to normal. Pretty prospecting.

Which is how Percy and Annabeth found themselves sitting in the parking lot of a grocery store in North Carolina. Annabeth had demanded they stop to check inside for, you guessed it, Twinkies. Currently, she was in the trunk, pulling out various weapons she had collected over their time on the road together. Percy just watched silently, reaching into his own bag to pull out his trident and a gun. Finally, he spoke to her. 

"You're gonna risk our lives for a Twinkie?" 

"There's a boxes of Twinkies in that grocery store. Not just any box of Twinkie. The last box of Twinkie that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. Believe it or not, Twinkie have an expiration day. Someday very soon, life's little Twinkle gauge is gonna go empty." As she spoke, she grabbed a pick-axe, a banjo, a baseball bat, and finally, hedge clippers. Percy stared on, bemused. And before you think,  _ wow what a weird set of weapons! _ Trust when Percy says she’s used weirder. “And I want to be the last girl to eat one.” 

He sighed, “You know, I used to love grocery shopping when I was younger.” 

She scoffed. “No one did,” and clipped her clippers to emphasize her words. Well. So much for delving more into their pasts, right?

"Time to nut up or shut up, Seaweed Brain!” 


	5. hit 'em right between the eyes, when you walk away, nothing more to say, see the lightning in your eyes, see 'em running for their lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which percy and annabeth kick some sweet zombie ass and we meet jason finally for a second. quick warning for vague gore. not too much but still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay!!! with all the chaos happening right now i haven't had time to finish future chapters so i didn't wanna update until i finished one. hopefully i'll be able to smack out some new chapters before camp nano starts because i have some other ideas i wanna start writing up.

When Wise-Girl goes Hulk on a zombie, she sets the standard not to be fucked with. No fear, nothing to lose. What can Annabeth say, it's like, it's like art to her. To Percy, it’s a sense of impending doom, and a rush inside of him to prove that he can do this; can survive this. But, compared to her? Well. Let’s just say she made it look like child’s play. 

On cue, a grotesque zombie shambles out of the furthest corner of the grocery store as soon as they come in. “Looks like the door chime still works,” Annabeth muttered, lifting up her guitar. 

Ah. Now Percy gets why she had it. 

The zombie had an unhinged jaw, and missing digits. A portion of his skull was caved in, like someone tried to off him, but was a couple inches short. Percy could only guess what gruesome fate that person met seconds after their failure. It stumbled over to them, groaning, unintelligible sounds escaping from what was left of it’s broken and lost teeth, faster than usual, but not fast enough. Wise-Girl huffed, tugging down on her Yankees cap with a determined look that freaked even Percy out, and he was on her  _ side.  _ Simply put, the girl knew how to  _ scare.  _ Taking her baseball bat, she ran down to close the gap between them and the zombie, and then she slammed a  _ Home-run _ right into the side of the zombie’s skull that wasn’t crushed. He lunged, but this time, after Percy. Cursing, the other ran down the aisle, and Annabeth ran down another to intersect the two. “Don’t swing, don’t swing!” He cried, rushing towards her, dropping and sliding between her legs. Seconds after he had done so, he screamed, “SWING!” and- CRACK! The remaining hit went right down onto the crack in his skull, and it took him down like a tower of legos. 

When Percy said impressive, he meant  _ impressive.  _

Within seconds, the commotion and noise lull another zombie over, this one bigger than the last, covered in dirt and what looked liked blood- be it his own or one of his victims. She glances over, eyes darkened as she flings the bat, grabbing for a pipe that she saw on the floor, probably ripped out of the hands of one of the aforementioned zombies before they turned, swinging the pipe below the zombie’s knees, definitely knocking it’s knee-caps out as she did so. It fell, screaming, and Percy hesitated, cocking his gun in case she got too close and became zombie-lunch meat. But by the time he had gotten the gun aimed readily, she was done; The girl had taken a pocket knife, stabbing the zombie from the back of the head and dragging it forward as fast as she could to end it’s miserable existence. 

Nice. 

Standing, she wiped herself off as best she could, and the two silently made their way down a few aisles, Percy grabbing food and Annabeth throwing it at him  _ to _ grab. The quiet should’ve alerted them first, but it didn’t. It was the loud banging on the floor which let them know they weren’t alone, and the snarl that left the zombie’s mouth that made them whip around, food forgotten as arms frantically reached for the first weapon they could find. Annabeth had brought in hedge-clippers with her, and of course, Percy thought nothing of it when he first noticed. She was smart- smart as hell, and he figured that she knew what she was doing with them. He thought she’d use them to unlock a door- maybe the manager’s office, but it seemed she had other ideas since the closest weapons she  _ had _ brought in were isles away under the idea of false safety. “Think he needs a haircut?” Percy joked, feeling the anxiety rising as he watched her with a  _ very large pair of HEDGE -CLIPPERS  _ and the hint of a smile ghosted her face as she turned to him and said, “You know what? I think he does,” and as soon she ran, Percy braced himself. 

Let’s call this one, too morbid for even Percy to describe. 

“You owe me,” Annabeth pointed out to him as they walked through the store, her, armed, and him, armed with.. well, food. “Yeah, yeah. I know.” He grumbled, “Just go find your twinkies.” With that, she rushed off in excitement. 

“Don’t  _ leave  _ me!”

“Hurry then, Sea-weed brain!” Scoffing, Percy followed her, and it wasn’t until they got to the back of the store that Percy noted the door that was seemingly held open with a brick. Huh. Head cocking, he squinted at it for a moment.  _ ‘Zombies can’t do that, can they?’ _ He thought, eyebrows furrowing as he considered the possibility of zombies being able to, oh, lift bricks and  _ beat humans on the head with them?  _ Scrambled eggs would really mean something else in the apocalypse if that was a new feature they unlocked in character creation. 

Oh Gods. 

Before he could think to call Annabeth over, footsteps are storming through the store, and he turns, assuming he’ll see the aforementioned girl running over with boxes upon boxes of twinkies, but Percy couldn’t be more wrong. Instead, he came across a young man who was in dire need of a shower and maybe a haircut. All he could think of was,  _ ‘What are the odds?’  _

Another marriageable man to bring home to his mom. 

“Come quick,” The boy panted, and well- who was Percy to deny him what he asked? 


	6. do you wanna touch, do you wanna touch, do you wanna touch me there?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we meet one mister jason grace and his little brother nico, and percy and annabeth act stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update. real life really has just. gotten in the way. i hope u all understand and aren't too upset with me, given everything that is going on in the world. as someone whos compromised and has a father who is too to this disease, i may take a short break from updates. if anyone is interested in whether or not i do end up doing that, i'll post it on my tumblr @nervousdad. thanks, love u all lots!

Could Percy swoon? Was that allowed? Yes, this was the only eligible bachelor he had seen since the end of days, but it’s not like he saw that maybe beforehand, either. Annabeth looked tense, as if she didn’t trust the boy who came rushing after them, but she took one look at Percy’s face and knew from the get that she had no choice but to follow this handsome mysterious stranger. “Gods,” She muttered, moving to hurry along behind the boy who had already ran back into the door he came from. 

“Hold on, I’ll be right there,” Percy promised, before running to open a door that led outside, placing a pipe between the door and the whole. He sighed, and mumbled, “Rule #22: When in Doubt, Know Your Way Out.” 

He was barely a minute or so behind, but it clearly was enough for him to miss a good chunk of the conversation. Looking at Annabeth, he could see  _ pity _ in her eyes, which was rare in itself. When she heard Percy catch up, she glanced at him, motioning to the table where another boy laid, looking sickly. He seemed emaciated, with dark black hair that contrasted with the blonde boy’s. Dark eyes and bags seemed to take up the entirety of his face, and he looked younger than what he really was.

They're brothers. The little one's been bit. Act normal, try not to freak him out. yeah?” She murmured, shifting her weight around from foot to foot. 

“Um, I’m-,” He could see her give him a warning look, so he said the first thing that came to mind, “Sea-weed Brain.” 

“...I’m San Francisco. That’s Los Angeles. So… So, you did all this for a Twinkie?” The blonde asks, and Percy panics. “Oh, no no no no, he did. I'm just kind of like a Sancho Panza character.” This cracks a smile, despite the situation, and Percy silently cheers. 

Annabeth, ever the party-pooper, interrupts their moment (which wasn’t a moment, but still! Percy can dream), by slowly speaking. “Um, I don't think she has long to live.”

“I know. So does he.” SF says, “We're... just looking for a way out.”

“No no no no, she's still a little girl.” Annabeth cries out, looking angry. Angry at them, or at the world for what they did to a little girl, Percy would never know. 

-”Don't  _ talk  _ about me like I'm not here.” The younger boy, LA, spits, angrily. 

“Alright, we’re sorry. Look, I know, you know that you're really sick,” Percy interjects, looking at her, trying to hide his guilt as he walks over, planning to console her, “But, your brother wants me to-” 

“It’s not his choice.” LA spits out, glaring at Percy. “It’s mine. He made a promise to me. We already said good-bye, but we didn’t have a gun.” Percy sighs, “Oh look, we don't know that there's definitely no cure right?”

“You're just gut-less.” LA practically spits out, looking ready to kill him, “Give him the gun.” 

Percy complies, giving Annabeth the gun, and she shifts the gun up, directly at the little boy’s head. She takes a deep breath, and pulls the safety off the gun, but before she can shoot-

“Wait, wait. I'll do it.” The other boy interjects, looking anxious, as if he wasn’t quite ready for this to happen. “I love you.” He said to him. 

“I love you too.”

“You need some help?”Annabeth asks, placing a hand on SF’s shoulder. “Now that you mention it.” He starts, and whips around, cocking the gun at Annabeth’s head. “We'll take your weapons, your car key, your ammunition.” He demands, safety  _ clearly _ off of the gun. “And if you got it, sugarless gum.” LA adds, hopping off the table with his hands out, ready to take their supplies. 

What the fuck. 

“What the fuck.” Annabeth barks. Clearly looking like she was going to put up a fight, SF swiftly turned the gun towards the center of her head, and she snarled at him in response, like a dog that was unhinged. Percy held her back by her arm, not willing to lose the only person he was safe with to some boys  _ robbing them  _ in the middle of the  _ fucking apocalypse.  _

“Wa.. Wait, why are you guys doing?” Percy asks, seemingly frazzled. “Well, better you make the mistake of trusting us, than we make the mistake of trusting you, right?” The blonde says, more-so than asks, giving Percy a wink. He offhandedly makes Percy think of Superman gone wrong (Or, you know, Superman from Injustice). 

Exchanges were made, swiftly, though Annabeth tried to put up a fight, pulling herself from Percy’s arms, and quickly stopped when she realized she didn’t have anything to use against them, as they had the upper hand, and she’d be as good as dead if she tried something on the two of them. 

Of course the first hot boy in a thousand miles shows up, makes Percy feel like an idiot, steals his double barrow and says  _ he’s  _ the one that can't be trusted. That’s just his luck, right? 

Just as quick as everything happened, the two males were gone, and Percy and Annabeth were left car-less and stranded, in that very grocery store parking lot. 

“Nice going genius,” Annabeth snapped.

“You’re the one that gave him the gun,” Percy mumbled. 

And that was that.


End file.
